Family is great to have near, but having them under your roof isn’t always ideal. (After all, you got your own place for a reason, right?) But if loved ones are planning a trip to come visit you, you might feel obligated to offer them a place to stay in your home, even when you’d really prefer that they find other accommodations. So, how can you tell a family member that you love them but they can’t stay with you? I asked a clinical psychologist for the perfect script to use if you find yourself in this delicate situation. Read on and you’ll be able to set some healthy boundaries without the fear of blowback.

Meet the Expert

Dr. Sanam Hafeez is the founder of Comprehend the Mind in New York City She is a pioneer in neuropsychological assessments, reshaping its clinical model and best practices. Dr. Hafeez received her doctorate from Hofstra University and completed her post-doctoral work in neurodevelopmental psychology at Coney Island Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. Dr. Hafeez is a New York State licensed psychologist and a New York State certified school psychologist and is an expert in trauma, learning problems, ADHD and autism.

How to Tell a Family Member They Can’t Stay With You

Maybe you just had a baby, and your parents are coming to help out, which is lovely, but you and your partner would really like a little privacy. Maybe your wild child younger sister is rolling through town, and you don’t really want her bringing the party lifestyle to your living room. Whatever the case may be, there’s a family member that you love, and you want them to find somewhere else nearby to stay. Fortunately, Dr. Hafeez has crafted a very straightforward and sensitive script you can use to get the message across without making your loved one feel rejected. Here’s how it goes:

"I’m really looking forward to your visit and spending time together. I want to be honest in letting you know that I can’t host overnight right now. I’ve found a few nearby hotels and rentals that I think you’d like, and we can plan our days so we get plenty of time together while you’re here. I’m so glad you’re coming, and I want to make sure the time we have is relaxed and enjoyable for both of us."

Boom. That’s it. Easy enough, right? If you’re still feeling apprehensive, fear not. Dr. Hafeez explains that this approach really works—namely because “it communicates excitement, states the boundary in a direct way, offers a solution, and keeps the focus on quality time rather than the limitation.” That last part is really key, too, since it redirects the conversation to something positive.

When Should You (and When Should You Not) Let a Family Member Stay With You?

In order to answer this question, you have to first be really honest with yourself about your boundaries and what makes you feel most comfortable. It might feel selfish, but it’s your home.  Your reason for not wanting a loved one to stay with you might be as simple as just not having the desire to play host, and that’s OK. Per the expert, “Allowing a family member to stay with you tends to work best when both parties have compatible routines, clear expectations, and mutual respect for privacy. If the relationship is low-conflict, the space is adequate, and hosting will not compromise your own mental health or daily obligations, having them stay can strengthen closeness.”

That said, Dr. Hafeez also emphasizes that this isn’t always the case: “If there is a history of tension, a mismatch in schedules, concerns about health risks, or your home is not a good fit for extended guests, arranging outside accommodations can preserve the relationship and help avoid unnecessary strain.” In other words, size up the situation. If your gut is telling you that the visit will be better for everyone if you keep your living space to yourself, then that’s what you should do. After all, the last thing you want is for your excitement over seeing a loved one to be clouded by a nagging feeling of resentment and irritation over something silly like, you know, spending too long in the only bathroom your apartment has.

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