Make new friends, but keep the old non-toxic ones. From Bette and Joan to Taylor and Blake, not all friendships are built to last—and some are better left behind. Maybe they compete with you like Regina George, or leave you emotionally drained like Fleabag and Boo, or try to steal your identity like Single White Female. Whether it’s constant drama, crossed boundaries, or backhanded compliments disguised as jokes, the signs of a toxic friend aren’t always easy to spot—when you’ve known them forever or are just mingling for the first time. So how do you actually know when a friendship is no longer healthy—and more importantly, what should you do about it? I asked a relationship expert to break down the biggest friendship red flags. Plus, what to say (or text) when it’s time to set boundaries—or walk away entirely. Because even friendships need check-ins, boundaries, and sometimes, an exit plan.

Meet the Expert

Erin Meyer, LCPC, M.Ed., MA, is a licensed clinical therapist with over a decade of experience and three master’s degrees in Counseling, Psychology, and Education. She’s also the founder of Mindful Healing Works, a therapy and wellness company for people who’ve felt unseen in traditional mental health spaces.

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Why Is It So Hard to Walk Away from a Friendship That’s Not Good for You?

“Because we grieve what could’ve been,” shares Meyer. “We hold onto the history, the shared memories, and the version of ourselves that once needed that connection. Especially for high-achieving women or empaths, it can feel like failure to walk away. But sometimes loving yourself means outgrowing what no longer serves your nervous system.”

How Do Friendship Red Flags Differ in Your 20s vs. Your 40s?

“In your 20s, red flags are often tied to identity. Jealousy, competition, inconsistency,” Meyer tells me. A couple decades later, in your 40s, the red flags get quieter but more impactful: "friends who don’t respect your time, ignore your healing, or can’t hold space for your joy. When you’re building a life that’s aligned, you don’t have time for energy leaks.”

What Does Healing from a Toxic Friendship Actually Look Like?

“Healing means reclaiming your self-trust. It’s the moment you realize you’re no longer replaying old convos in your head or explaining your side to people who aren’t in the room. It looks like noticing peace instead of panic in silence. You know you’re ready for new friendships when you stop needing people to ‘get' you, and instead seek people who feel good to be around.” In short, as Meyer breaks it down, it’s about opting to step off the cycle. 

What to Say to Red-Flagged Friend

I asked Meyer for specific scripts to use when taking steps in creating distance with a toxic friend. Here’s what she told me.

To create boundaries with a friend:
“I care about our friendship, and I’m realizing I need to take better care of my energy. That means saying no sometimes, even if it disappoints you.”

To alter the power dynamic:

“I’ve noticed I’ve been shrinking a bit in this friendship, and I’m working on showing up more fully, so I may start speaking up differently moving forward.”

To move on from a friendship:

“I’ve appreciated what we’ve shared, but I’m in a different season now and need space to grow into it fully.”

Bottom Line

As Erin Meyer, LCPC, reminds us, healthy friendships don’t demand constant access, blind loyalty or self-sacrifice. They offer mutual care, respect for boundaries and space for both people to grow. Because the best friendships—the ones that do last—don’t drain you, shrink you, or guilt-trip you for evolving. They cheer you on, hold you accountable and don’t judge that you watched 30+ episodes of Love Island in one weekend. 

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